11/18/20

1:04 PM - Quarantine Day 212

Found a new artist recently named Reol. Her debut album is really good. Apparently she used to be part of a group named REOL and left to pursue her own music? I don't usually go for very J-Pop almost vocaloidesque music but she manages to do this kind of style really well. I like her influences of Turkish and Indian type sounds.

God I want the Puyo Puyo Chronicles ENG patch to come out already so I can play it on my 3Ds. I got addicted to puyo puyo through the Nintendo Online's SNES games feature that has the original Puyo Puyo 2 Game. Puyo Puyo Tetris is fun but.. its difficult as it weirdly does not have a difficulty setting, also I just wanna play puyo puyo.. I'm not so much interested in the tetris part. I will say it was a big jump form me going from Puyo Puyo 2 all the way to puyo Puyo Tetris. I kinda like the charm of the older games better. Imo the 3Ds game has better graphics and cutscenes compared to PPT.

Have any of ya'll played puyo puyo before? let me know in the comments below lol. Not a lot of people have played it due to the fact many of the games never made it to the west, or had changed graphics. If you haven't played it I highly reccomend it!


11/7/20

12:50 AM - Quarantine Day 201

Yesterday I felt weird. I guess you could say bad. Idk why but I keep getting that same numb dissociated feeling when typing here. Maybe the others are trying to tell me something. The election is so so close. its insane. Biden will most likely for sure win. I predicted it earlier beforehand saying to my family that if Biden wins, it will be barely.

god things just seem so horribly stationary.

ever since i went home in march from shcool and graduated my memory has been so bad. Im not forgetting entire days but my recall on names and things is really bad. I've been zoning out extremely badly too. which I haven't done in a very very long time. god its awful. Tomorrow im tuning into a zoom meeting with Shiyoon Kim and Jin Kim so that's cool.


11/2/20

1:11 PM - Quarantine Day 196

Ive been meaning to buy Minecraft on the switch. The Biomes O plenty mod finally updated but the latest version of Optifine seems to randomly break the mod which is very strange for Optifine to be doing.

I need to update a lot of the character art on here its so oldddd


11/1/20

10:21 PM - Quarantine Day 195

here I am on day 195, just under the 200th day of quarantine for me in the state of Ohio and 2 days before election day. I haven't written here in quite some time and I need to change that. I think about writing on here a lot but i never find myself ever doing it. I've been drawing a lot and planning a portfolio for an art school in South Australia. I'm extremely lucky for the fact that I managed to get my Australian citizenship I think just last year before COVID-19. Giving me a very legitimate way to get out the country incase it gets worse. I mean its been worse. I haven't hugged or kissed my boyfriend for almost 8 months now. I live with my family and not alone, preventing me from propely making a quarantine "pod." To be quite frank with you guys this quarantine is so awful. In a weird way I kind of miss back in March when everyone was home due to the restrictions at time. I had just gotten a Valve Index and Alyx and Animal Crossing came out. Everyone was home, and in VRChat it was extremely comforting to be around other new players in thousands for the first time in VR to escape the reality we were given and sadly are still experiencing.

Also since now offically last year when I realized I was part of a system, everyones been fairly quiet. Im only just now expierencing some numbness on the left side of my face which is often for me a sign of dissociation of some sorts (or Gul, our protector is near etc etc.. idk how to describe it) for the first time easily since March..ish? Gul and Lukas have been very very quiet and I guess away or dormant you could call it as many do in system communities. I'm not sure why that feeling is here typing this jounral post in HTML. So Strange. I need a therapist to help me with these types of things but I do not have one as my parents will most likely not pay for one. The one good thing corona has changed for the better is telehealth services in regards to therapists being able to help even more people than they've ever been able to before. it makes me want to seriously get one. But finding a person, anyone, who really truly gets me, and/or is specialized with these kinds of problems is hard. Let alone expensive. My plan is to try and get to Australia, where I'll be away from my family, and where my health care in general is a lot cheaper. I can't live like this. Knowing I'm (we??) experiencing many things that need to be addressed. It's not always fun when it feels like your thoughts are being hijacked.

I don't really expect anyone to understand how we work. Its very hard to explain. When I wa sin denial about this, I remember describing things that would happen to me in a DID/OSDD discord server, and other systems would always respond with "yeah that happens a lot" or "that's very common". It's a very relieving feeling but at the same time made me feel simultaniously very on edge. Everything's all so much.

man... Remember places?


4/20/20

1:32 PM - Qurantine Day 36

I forgot it's 4/20 lol. anyways Im getting so annoyed at my tachers on google classroom who only let us know of a meeting the day of. I woke up today thinking I didn't have much to do when randomly teacher told us we have a meeting at 2 PM. I don't wanna go to it at all uguhugnun. I've always known how annoying school is and how much I never wanted to be there but the distancing from everyone is making me realize how much I legitimately do not want to interact with these people. Maybe I'm just a dick idk lol.

In other news I ordered a very interesting fountain pen. The Osprey Scholar Standard fountain pen with what the Osprey company calls their "Flexpert" nib unit which is basically a Zebra G Nib and feed unit with a converter which is super cool. I've been looking for a good Zebra G nib accepting fountain pen, and from the videos I see of people using it, the feed keeps up super duper well which is sort of rare for these kinds of franken pens. Especially for only $40! I also ordered Diamine's Blue Lightning ink which is a really pretty shimmering blue ink. Cant wait to get that in a few weeks.

Oh yeah!! I've also gotten pretty good with ASL!! I can hold full on conversations in VRChat now which is Super cool!! yay!! I guess that;s all that's been happening in my life during qurantine lol


4/9/20

10:04 PM - Quarantine Day 25

I played some more VR Chat today ^^ I've made new friends!! For some reason when I use to play my mic would work in game all the time, but now no one can hear me :(. EVen when my mic flashes in game indicating that others can hear me, it never wants to work for other people..! It sucks.. But because of this I've been learning ASL and I've made two friends in game! One is mute and the other can hear like me but decided to learn ASL. I actually really love languages and wasn't too burdened with the idea of me having to learn ASL due to the fact that no one can hear me.

I saw one of my friends was online today and I decided to join them and lo and behold an ASL class was just about to start! Which was really cool! There was a girl teaching everyone some basic signs and it was packed in there. I think there were like 70 people total in there! Is is a lot! A new record. I had so much fun!!! ^^.

I'm glad that in qurantine I can still interact with others in a fairly intimate way and have a lot of fun learning about others and learning a new language ^^!!!

I also played some Animal Crossing today. I really like the new game a lot. I think Lukas came out a bit..? Idk. I/we felt really blurry for a little while and we ended up getting a mild headache.

I'm so happy today...!


4/7/20

1:22 PM - Quarantine Day 23

Took my shahadah today ;_;... I also did some lame ass online classwork. I forgot my math teacher gave us an assignment today which I really don't want to do. I don't really have much else to say due to this corona stuff. WAIT I FORGOT TO SAY I GOT A STEAM INDEX. Shits wild man. Alyx literally feels like real life its amazing yet also horrifying. I also am addiced to beat saber lol

Oh yeah i finally got arabic stickers for my keyboardl looskie


4/1/20

6:26 PM - Quarantine Day 16

I got a new journal to write my Arabic notes in which is pretty cool. Today I also wanted to show you guys some weird stuff I've gotten. Coronabelia as it were. You might have to open the images in a new tab if you want to read them.

This was the last thing I got in school before we all left for the quarantine. All of us were in a room when the news broke and some kids really took it hard while others were smiling. basically our superintendent gave out these paper before the news making it weirdly eerie and somber.

This next piece of paper I got was actually in the mail from the government. Anyone else get this? it was sort of weird as well since the front says "PRESIDENT TUMP'S CORONAVIRUS GUIDELINES FOR AMERICA." Which makes me a bit annoyed since like... why not just make it "Coronavirus guidelines for America." ?? or Something? You know?? We live in some strange times rn. I hope everyone is doing ok.


3/30/20

7:55 PM Quarntine Day 14

Heyyyy yall sorry I haven't written in a while. I've gone through a lot recently that's sort of been mind bending. I've also been in quarantine since like mid march. So i literally haven't been to school in forever. In fact today Ohio's governer, DeWine announced we won't be going back to school now till May 1st as of today. Pretty crazy if you ask me. The thing is though for me, I'm fine. I literally do not want to be in my school's building at all and I've always sort of been a recluse. Doing hobbies and things I like such as studying Arabic and Islam, or drawing and painting. You feel me here? I mean I really feel bad for the kids who were so fucking hype for this year since this is our graduation year..but like I'm sort of just null towards it. I'm not one of those people who like the height of their life is high school.

Ok.. so anyways.. Also in some news. I realized I'm part of a system. yep u heard it. Madison has alters and headmates, Lukas and Gul respectively. This is a culmination of experiences I've been witnessing for months now and basically... im in denial about it still. Gul is our protector while Lukas seems to be some sort of emotional carryer. I remember when Kobe died I wanted to cry but... I couldn't..? it was weird. In fact Lukas wanted to cry about it and my emotions got rerouted to Lukas if that makes any sense? Gul on the other hand is really sweet but defensive and protective. I've had to shove him away or try to shove him away a few times because we've been in conversations where if he co fronted, then it would of not been good at all lmao.

its just sort of surreal cause i only really realized this while I've been on a MaDD focused discord and Id share some experiences and a few other people would say "oh that sounds more like OSDD". which made me go like uhhhhh "wtf" lol. Basically we're quirky!! the only way I can communicate with gul, easily at least is externally through the use of a private discord and proxies through the use of whats called PluralKit. Or I try and journal about any amount of dissociation severe or small. Here's a picture of our system journal! I try my best to keep stuff recorded...it can be really overwhelming sometimes. But I try my best to communicate with Gul especially

Besides from sytem stuff I've also gotten pretty good at Arabic!! A lot of my arab friends say my accent is really good so that's encouraging aaa

here's a picture of that as well!

I hope everyone is staying sane in the quarantine!
7/15/19

11:32 PM

(note that this is a transcript from my irl journal. i was practicing arabic characters )

writing ط ططططططططططططططططططططططططططط

طَيًن

key to writing this is not stopping to write the down stroke

طَيَّبنًن طَيَّب طَيَّب طَيَّب طَيَّب طَيَّب طّبًن

found a channel called the Fouad Family. I like that they dont have music and it just allows me to hust simply listen to the Arabic.

طَيًن

treat the downstroke like dotting an i


7/14/19

time: ???

(note: this is a transcipt from my irl journal)

الله


7/7/19

1 Pm ish..??

Sh. Omar Suleiman is Gul's voice claim lololol. His voice is just slightly less afflicted with an accent and slightly less deep than Omar's

2:00 PM

maybe I should just upload images of my journal? idk. it'd looks way cooler.


7/6/19

2:01 PM

started learning Arabic on Duolingo a few days ago. Also I ended up getting the vook, Maximum Harm on MyAnonamouse, a private tracker website. A few days before that, I got my Sketchking Guantanamo book. So you could say lots of Arabic things are coming into my life at a perticular time. Looks like I'm going full jihadist boys!!!!! JKJKJKJKJK, FBI pls dont raid lol.

2:06 PM

oh shit a big fucking Earthquake just hit southern Cali. Oh yeah I forgot, YouTube is Going to be removing videos realted to hacking :(. RIP 3Ds hacking videos. Also I can't fucking stand this mild pain I have from my wisodm teeth getting pulled :(


6/30/19

3 PMish..?

I need to work on my summer work. I hace to write a 4 page essay :/. My wisdom teeth are getting pulled out Tuesday so that should be interesting? I'm oddly anxious and nervous about it. I'm nervous about losing time and not remembering what happened and stuff. I'm also thinking about that one HBO documentary series on the Boston Bombers that was announced a lil while ago. I think it's being produced by the woman who made a book called Maximum Harm. What's really interesting about is that it's focused on Tamerlan Tsarnaev and his relationship with the FBI. For those who don't know, Tamerlan was the older brother involved with the bombings. The one who orchestrated most if not all of it. I guess the book proposes the theory that Tamerlan was actually an FBI informant gone rogue?? It's really weird and honestly im just the tiniest bit skeptikal of the concept since I myself have looked a bit into the case. And the only other thing Tsarnaev was possibly involved in was a murder case.

so yeah... im interested regardless!! I can't wait. Apparently the director for the movie, Inside Job is gonna be working on it, so I hope this docuseries will be good! :O

I nearly forgot! I got new fountain pens :) The FPR Indus with an ultra flex nib and a free FPR mupft pen. Both write so good that I pulled the trigger and bought another pen since it was on a flash sale. The FPR Amethyst Himmalya with an ultra flex nib as well. Can't wait !!! :D


6/22/19

5:55 PM

woke up feeling really disconnected today. sort of dont feel real idk. Last night I drew some really nice art! So im proud of that. Also I finally made a new website over here ill be updating it more and finishing all the character pages!


5/28/19

11:54 P.M.

If any of you guys know that I live in the Dayton Ohio region then you might know that my city and surrounding areas was hit by two confrimed tornadoes last night on Memorial Day. I think actually 8 in total hit here. I am fine and luckily I have power and the first tornado went just north of me. Regardless I was still hiding in the basement under immense fear. I also live in the city so it's a bit more unlikely for us to get directly hit, but that's what made these super unusual. They were strong tornadoes in this city region. It's somethng I've never seen in my life time and the destruction here is insane. Many houses leveled and businesses compltetely destroyed beyond repair. The water is also out as well so we're under a boil advisery.It's insanely bad. National news like CNN, NPR, AP news and more are covering us right now and we currently aren't at the end of this yet. We are still under a very severe thunderstorm threat tonight from 5-10 and even for tomorrow too.

And please please PLEASE if you can, donate to the Red Cross to help. Dayton has very little money and this will take us years to repair the damage.

If you'd like to donate $10 go to RedCross.org , call 1-800-REDCROSS or text the word RedCROSS to 90999. Thank you. We need any help we can get !!


5/23/19

3:16 PM

sorry I'm adding two journal entries at once :// neocities was acting strange yesterday. i could only get a 502 bad gateway error on the site.

the graduation was great! i caught up with an old friend, chris, and a girl i hadn't seen since like 8th grade. at first my bf's family was super late and nearly missed his graduation because they brought the wrong tickets amongst other things.

later we all ate out at a nice resturant named CJ Chan. Chinese and Japanese. The waiter was super nice and the food was great :) We ended up also going to a small mexican shop that my bf went to growing up. I went home with my bf, his brother and his mom and we ened up getting pulled over. Just a license plate bulb was out lol. i was super tired afterwards and my family and I at home watched episode 5 of Star trek: Dicovery.

all in all sort of hectic and busy day. emotional as well. can't believe I've known some people for like 5 years now


5/22/19

3:11 PM

Just finished Ms. Bronners exam. last day of school finally. Today is also graduation for seniors. Including my boyfriend :) and other friends. It sort of sucks sauce of school district put it on a damn wednesday. What's worse is that my school ends at 4 and the doors for graduation at the Masonic temple open at 4. So that's sort of ass lol.

Kind of waiting around in class now to get out of school. Currently listening to Sleepycabin episode 27. with Shadman lol. Zach, Chris, and Cory are talking about horrible ice hockey accidents lol. I meant to listen to SleepyCabin when it first came out back in 2015, but never got around to it. So here I am form October 2018 to now, listening to Sleepycabin. It's good as fuck. Go listen to it you fuckers!! :O


5/20/10

2:46 PM

Sitting in Ms Bronners class right now. Still sort of feeling disconnected. My throst hurts and everyone elses seems to as well. I finally finished Into the Wild. Ok book. definitely not bad nor was it crazy good. it was like the kind of book you find in an Airbnb and decide to steal because... well you're invested now. It was a good read, specifically towards the end.

I read it for school which sucks because its for my teacher that replaced Ms Riley (who was amazing btw !!) and isn't that good. She actually graduated from my high school when I was in 7th grade. So right now she's like literally a college student who has no idea what she's doing. The only reason why she's here is because she's the libraians daughter. Her being such a bad teacher would be excusable if my school system didn't have all of winter break to find a teacher. But they couldn't even do that. Instead they got lazy and found the librarian's daughter.

Anyways, moving to a new topic, it's sort of weird that all these things with removing yourself from conformity or doing things you truly love without letting people's perceptions affect you keep popping up in my life right now.

To name some things:

And just in general i keep hearing talks and new videos popping up on youtube about the topic of doing what you love or not conforming.

People seem to be moving in this new direction, including me in this age of very matured social media where people are starting to get tired of it. It's sort of why I made this website nearly two years ago. I wanted something different and fun online that wasn't Twitter, DeviantArt or Tumblr. And to keep a log of my characters as well. Humanity is getting anxious.

In fact last period, Max in my ceramics class kept firing back to my ceramics teacher about critiques and what it means to do things in your own art style. He mentioned how teachers or people will encourage and make "finding your art style" super inportant, when in reality, that's not how style works.

And I agree

Some of the best advice any artist can get is to not overthink your style and just do whatever you want. Mind you there's a difference between bad looking art and a """bad""" style. So when people ask me how to get syle, all I usually reply with is to just draw/copy from any artists you love. No matter how abstract, characters based, or even fine arts esque it is.

I wish younger artists nowadayws didn't feel compelled to force themselves into an art style. a lot of the art i present that's digital is usually a bit more refined than any of my sketchbooks. my sketchbooks are literally chaotic and filled with scribbles or random words that pop into my head. Sometimes my art can be very abstract or very refined. Never limit yourself guys. It's so important to take care of your artistic voice.


5/19/19

today i feel a bit better. i played a good amount of minecraft today. I have the biomes o plenty mod which is really cool since it adds a bunch of new biomes and other stuff etc. And right now im trying to get a ruby so i can make the biome finder item. Pointless? yeah. Fun? For sure. Today I also updated the website and added a comment section. pretttyyy coolio. go comment!

watched the new Interface episode on youtube. Go check it out if ya'll havent seen it. It reminds me of pilotredsun, salad fingers, and ghost in the shell all in one web animation?? its cool though and has great visuals and music.

side track but i've come to the conclusion that I hate conformity. even though im conforming towards typical personal websites here on neocities. but what i'm really talking about is like art or just idk just a lot of shit. In my life I've realized I've always been very null towards so much stuff. for gods sake even myself. my null gendered whatever fuckin self. maybe its cause its a symptom of growing up mixed in a very very unique but small city thats made me witness so much mind boggling stuff, it's hard to realize that some people are just stupid. there I said it, some people are fucking dumb. and it sucks. idk why some people cant do things. its normal i know. but in a way it's somewhat scary that we maybe now more than ever need to stop letting extremist views of any community become a spokes person for the whole community or let social media consume us. Currently as a 17 year old in 2019 I'm debatting everything i know art career wise. I want to do so many things with art, but alas, i need money. i know i have the talent for what i wanna do, but what if i end up getting tired of it later on? How do I break out of that cycle or career. time will tell my darlings :/

in other news i still feel weirdly dissasociated a lot like yesterday. Something must be wrong. Off track once again but earlier today I was looking at cute ASCII art lol. here's some ones i liked lol


5/18/19

11:41 PM

Felt overly dissasociated today. Felt like a dream all the time, or random bouts of feeling like my head was spinning. I watched Apollo 11 with my family just now. Super cool and interesting. Earlier I was playing Minecraft and realized I wanted to move to Greenland. I also sadly had a weird urge to self harm again. Probably bad. Haven't felt that in a while. Weird. I still feel as if I'm in a dream as I'm watching this (I meant to say writing. Guess I really was that out of it.). Currently looking at a lot of websites from Neocities. I wanna find more brutal truth journals. Or more interesting art. Till then I guess I'll feel numb and null. Oh yeah I realized this whole time of my life that I'm Neutrois. Null gendered. P cool broooooo. Still gotta do my AP summer work. bleh.

Hmm maybe I'll add a custom cursor to my website?? Nahh. That's stupid


4:38 PM

Will personal webpages come back?? No. Because no one knows HTML anymore. But what if we somehow compltetely changed HTML? So many systems would break lol. But who knows

I was supposed to go to the World Afair thing downtown with my bf and my good friend but I forgot and my bf was busy anyways. :/

So instead this morning (I oddly woke up very early considering it's a weekend.) I reworked and added a bunch of things to my website. I even fixed my blog :)

I've noticed a small pop up of true crime inspired blogs/ websites on Neocities. probably because of Sol Pais. That girl that wa sobsessed with Columbine and flew out to Littleton, CO to potentially shoot up a school. She had a Neocities page that was very 90s esque and "dark" in nature. Many things she wrote or drew about was Columbine related which I recognized. The weirdest and most unsettling thing about this is that I had actually been to her website a good while before her incident. In a way it freaked me out because what if I had talked to her?? Or somehow could of stopped her..?? Weird weird shit man. Small world.


4/21/19

updated my site again, I added a new minecraft page to the eshrine section. check it out for some mods i use!! I also finished Xanthe's art for the flea market characters page, and I updated Pomona's art in the colorado characters section


4/15/19

hey guys!! sorry I ahven't updated my site in a while. neocities really needs some sort of app notification feature to keep people active on here

as many of you may of heard by today, Notre Dame has mostly burn down :(( a tragic event i was alerted to while I was in LA class today on my phone.

all i'm hoping is that hopefully the art can be saved that was inside

my brother started his new job today at my public school districts's IT department.!! which is great so instead fo working his inconsistent walgreens job, he can have a stable 9-5 job now!!

slight departure but when my brother, my mom and I got home we were watching the cathedral burn on the news and we were talking about the boston bombings and how they couldn't find the dude for like two days and I was wondering if he had died yet. so i looked it up and turns out today is the same day it happened. the 6th aniversery of the bombings. weirdly enough the Titanic also sank today and Lincoln was shot and killed today.

the Tianamen square protests were also started today which is super weird too. i guess April 15th just isn't a good day


2/10/19

My brithday has passed and yesterday I had my party!! All my friends and boyfriend came over and we had a lot fo fun playing smash

one of my friends made me a cool hoodie with embroidered designs on it!!

my trip to Japan in spring break is coming up!! I can't wait!!

also i'm going to be updating my site again, I'll be fixing the missing like website buttons on my art and home page and i mgiht add more characters.???


1/3/19

Happy New Years!!! Hopefully 2019 will be good! My christmas was great! :)) I got a rhodia notebook and new ink from my boyfriend. I also got $100 so I bought myself the Opus 88 Koloro Demonstrator fountain pen which arrived today. Its super nice and holds a lot of ink while remaining light enough to draw or write with which is super nice. I got a medium nib so it's nice and smooth.

What I'm not looking forward to is going back to school though. ://


12/23/18

Been a while. I know anyways I ended up finishing my science fair final grade. I just admitted to ym teacher how I made up the data and how we genuinely wanted to finish the project.

Things have winded down for the Christmas season (in 2 days!!) and a few days a go a tragic accident happened to my mom

For some reason instead of just putting hot water in a water bottle for her cramps, she used boiling water.

I was sitting on the couch with her and my dad and it brst all over her leg and we had to rush her to the nearby hospital.

as I sat back there my brain was shut off. I honestly wasn't thinking about anything. I was just breathing and crying a lot.

She got 3rd degree burns which is awful. Luckily nothing other than just her leg was effected so.. yeah.

Eventful night. As I was sitting alone in the lobby waiting for for my mom as I was sort of crying I was people watching in the area.

There was a 22 year old woman in a wheelchair with no legs at all and she was chatting to the older 55 year old woman next to me.

The younger woman was talking about how expensive her rent was being 580 a month, which is actually quite cheap and how she makes do.

What also surprised me is how she has a son, which is crazy. Not only due to her situation with no legs, but also how.. young she was..?

It's crazy how people live. As I sat there waiting for hours in the lobby I finally finished the last 25 pages of a book I had to read for AP World History last year called, The Moors Account.

I actually highly reccomend it and its a crazy story of a Morrocan guy who sold himself to make money for his family and.. it's a crazy long story.

The hospital actually gave me time to just sort of like, not think. I haven't just not thought about anything in a really long time.

What a weird Christmas time huh.

also!!! as I'm typign this I'm watching the new season of People Just Do Nothing :)) It was finally added to Netflix


12/11/18

haven't written in a while again. today i felt like crying in art class cause i really don't like this perticular piece I was making

like I was told my piece looked like the ramblings of a crazy person so hahahhahahha :|

LA class went a lot better. My teacher likes my story assignment we've been assigned. She's really chill and nice and thats gonna be our final exam grade which is!!! really nice!!

We have to write about a modern day witchhunt of some sorts so I'm writing about ym DC interns :)))


11/30/18

Haven't writen anything here in a while. My fam is finally back form Australia so now I can wake up an hour later and get to school which is so much better lol

the pieces ive made for my AP art concentration are going well and people seem to like them a lot incluiding my teachers which is good. Soon my schools christmas preformance is coming up which is.. nervewracking in a way?

Since im in visual arts, I have to paint a massive canvas mural on stage in sync with live orchestral music in front of us. Its actually really cool and most people can't get their minds around how people can paint that fast in a collaborative effort.

last year I just held a board behind the canvas so people could paint aginst it. not sure yet if i'll be painting this year ;U

my bf came over and we watched Chappie :)) which is a really good movie btw!!! it's very cute and weird and is extremely underated!!

also been tihnking about how I need to write more little weird stories with my ocs in my notebooks. I kind of have this one weird continuous one in a book i got in Australia in July and I've just been adding on and on to it. Maybe I'm an amazing writer and no one knows it yet lol

I also need to keep learning Hindi. I've gotten good enoguh where I can look at a random hindi word and prounounce it but not extactly know what it means which is!! really cool!!


11/26/18

First day of school since the break. My science teacher is making us do science fair which is so shitty. Our school has never had teachers who make us do it, especially since we're an art school and everyone has a job or is rehearsing for their magnets etc. So that sucks.

P tired since I had to wake up early again but soon i wont have to anymore.

im coming to realize that school sucks lol. the concept of it at least. my school is actually pretty cool


11/24/18

Thanksgiving went over well. Went over to my grandmas house and ate mac n cheese and some chicken.she also made my brother a sweet potato pie. which was nice of her :))

been playing fortnite since then like the child i am lol.

my new sketchbook is starting off really well too. I'm finally sitting myself downa nd doing proper value and figure studies.

also!! im not gonna be posting art to tumblr anymore cause it suks pp. Theres also a mass migration of artists leaving tumblr as well so i'll be post on my dA from now on.

you can find the link to it under my art section!


11/21/18

6:34 PM

Ended up seeing Wreck it Ralph 2 today since we had no Wifi. For once the sequel was actually good lmao. It was a very well paced movie. it's intro maybe being a tad bit too slow.

11:51PM

woke up this morning with no wifi at all. I was watching a video of Ninja getting way too angry over people who talk about stream sniping lmao. and how basically its ok to fake report people.p


11/20/18

Played a bunch of Overwatchw with my brother and took a nice bath. Helped me feel less dazed and out of it. Also had the weird urge to draw a lot of furries with Jay today lmao.

i smoked weed for the first time yesterday and got high. holy shit was I fucked. nothing felt real

Also I made my new website button! It's on my homepage. It's also now a png instead of that crappy jpg one. So feel free to link back to my website broooos


11/18/18

finally updated the site. all character pages are finally done (including the flea market ones!) and I fixed the animated gradient and added a scrolling text box! the blog page is now its own sort of seperate page which you can just click on your browsers back button to get back to my website. i added an interesting links webpage with some helpful or interesting stuff. especially if you're an artist.

I fixed the eshrine for the skeleton kingdom as well so check it out bruvs

I got a new sketchbook from my boyfriend today! it looks super nice and I can't wait to draw in it!! Tomorrow I ll be eatting dinner with him so that should be nice. I'm sort of trying to enjoy this break as long as I can. Especially with the looming end of year chrtistmas celebration my school has and deadlines for AP art


11/16/18

Today was my last day of school before my school break starts. I feel super relaxed and today was a good school day in general. I finally got a new Environmental Science teacher and she’s.. Very odd. If anything quite rude. She doesn’t let us have any food or drinks in class which is usual for a science class (unusual for environmental science) but she doesn’t even let us drink bottled water which is super odd. She was being mean in general but would go back to being her normal nice self instantly. Also all the work we did for the 5 weeks of substitutes we’ve had wont be counted as work in the class which is super fucking shitty. 5 weeks of work for nothing. The only thing that will be graded is a packet she assigned us for tuesday and wednesday which will be a preformance grade. I hate it.

My school had a teaser which is basically when our periods get shortened and at the end of the day we have a 1 hour long program to showcase a dance recital or a play performance to showcase what will to be come that night or on the weekend which is sweet. So I had a super relaxed today.

I was thinking after school waiting for my ride. About alternate realities due to choices we make. Or relationships and people we meet just cause we just so happened to meet at a time a a place. Winter is coming and maybe that’s why i was feeling nostalgic. Maybe I just care a lot. Now I’m home and just relaxing and I feel a bit tired.

I’m trying to work on my writing skills. It’s very hard for me to get my thoughts out into text and not just like art or animations/movies. Even comics are hard for me to write since I can’t animate the timing or mood right. I think it’s because i have an issue of things being static? I guess? But I like a good book or a well timed atnospheric comic. Practice makes progress. It just takes time :/


11/15/18

Watched a lot of People Just Do Nothing today. Funny BBC show that ig uess started off on YouTube as a short series. Looked up if it was going to get a 5th season and it turns out it started airing like 3 days ago on BBC. Only bad thing is that BBC’s website doesn’t allow streaming outside the UK :/ . So that sucks. The end of season 3 was so sad ;//

Forgot to mention that after digging through my raw genetic data since I’ve done 23andme, I believe I have nonclassical CAH. Which I guess is being intersex..? I have yet to be able to see a doctor about it but theres lots of genetic markers pointing towards this, and i was talking to my grandma about it and she agreed on how it runs in the family . Which has given me a lot of comfort. I always had weird excessive hair on my face amoung other symptoms and it makes me happy that his isn’t super rare. Always thought I had some sort of crazy weird thing going on, or that it was stress. Shoutout fr to 23andme for the amazing insights I’ve uncovered through them.

Last night a winter remix came through my city. Heavy amounts of ice rain has given everything a thicklayer of ice. Super dangerous and for some reason my school district didn’t cancel ro delay school. Since a girl is giving me rides and parents are gone I decided to not go with her this morn. Too dangerous, even I was concerned for her. So my day has felt really long. 6:20 AM to now as I write. I just finished watching Christine. Weird movie. I had been wanting to watch it for a while now and i dont knwo hwo to feel about it. The best way I can describe it is that I liked watching it and seeing Christine. I like how the actress had that certain look to her and I liked the general vibe of it all. In a way I could relate a lot to her and her weird antics. I also like the very very selective use of music in the movie. Espcially during that scene at the end. The music really was jarring yet hypnotic. Funny how years and decades work. As a kid I used to jus tlike the vibe of the 70s. Idk why but i just have. It reminds me of a book I bought a few years back called El Deafo. A graphic novel based off the authors life as a kid in the 70s and comign to terms that she turned deaf. It’s oddly comforting. Not sure why. Defintly reccomend it. Simple but cute story Also been thinking about how 2018 actually feels like a year year. Sort of like how 2016 or 2012 felt like years. I haven’t had this feeling for a while now. It feels refreshing. It makes sense. Like im a human again. I mentally feel a lot better this school year so far. No major episodes of flashings lights. Only thing that I am finally coming to terms with is that I’ve hallucinated a teacher aid arguing over my own thoughts and the sound of someone brushing past me. I can’t remember what the voice was saying, just completly jarring. The sound of the coat was in class and the sound oddly got louder and louder and its like the sound went into my forehead. Might sound weird but it felt like a shooting star So heres to 2018. Thanks 2018 for being a rough complicated mess of emotions and finding out who i am and who I’m not.


11/11/18

updated some of my characters with art I finally drew of them! So check out the Colorado crews page and dc interns page. the last character set i need to draw refs for now is my flea market characters. im trying to get the main content of my website fixed and then ill fix the issues with the background gradient, so for now all im gonna have is static gradients (for not too long hopefully ;;) I'm also thinking about making personal pages for myself to remember specific things for my own use or info for anyone else like 3Ds hacking or other weirdly specific info that seems to have a weird lack of resources! Also does anyone watch Peter Draws btw? his podcasts and other videos are really relaxing!!


11/9/18

tried rewatching a weird anime movie I grew up with called Appleseed. it's awful. the animation is dated and so dreadfully boring. I was starting to fall asleep during it which is rare for me. I feel quite tired today. I usually am always rushing out the door when my ride gets here for school. I get to school an hour early because of my situation right now and never have time to pack my lunch. I'll probably start packing it the night before. A few days ago I found out about this guy named Takehiko Inoue. He made a manga called vagabond and I'm oddly interested in it. usually I don't really look at manga or anime in general but it looks appealing. I still have a disposable camera with about 8 more shots left on it. I got it a while ago so idk when im ever going to finish it. i updated this blog page. (no more missing files errors? hopefully? i cant figure out how to make teh gradient fill the whole page...) I changed the gradient to match the vibe of the whole blog page. enjoy? also does anyone miss those old weird early 2000s styled documentaries that were really quiet and pure? and super like idk how to phrase it but like honest? maybe its just me. I like that vibe a lot.


11/7/18

jbeen watching a lot of videos about schizophrenia as I've always been interested in it. reminds me of the time I was so stressed back in april of this year that I ened up having major ocular migranes that would cver my vision and sometimes last about 45 minutes straight . no pain what so ever which is quite normal in many cases. my mother has migranes big time and is triggered by tihngs like flashing lights or even blue cheese and probably stress. during the school year I couldn't do it anymore and would have constant foggy mind. at times now I sometimes still do and thankfully the flashes of color have sort of gone away. every now and then i'll get small pinpricks of light.


11/6/18

completely remade the website. enjoy the nice gradients and the simpler character section also check out the weird video i posted in the videos section of interesting links and ideas. latley i've been looking into hinduism. i know its weird but I find it interesting. specifically Matangi and Shaktism as a whole. there's so many hindu gods and goddesses that its crazy that people for thousands of years have looked up to them. Matangi is interesting to me because shes basically an outcast, yet shes the most wisest of them all. she's a deep green color and a goddess associated with knowledge, speech, the arts, and music. yet she's associated with being impure and dirty. devotees are supposed to offer leftover food, or meditate on her before they are clean. interesting stuff. here's a link on it


11/3/18

making the update go live today. finally added the mentions links & ideas page. feel free to check it out! you can find the skeleton kingdom there under the e- shrine section


10/21/18

been a while since i've updated. my parents are now back in australia starting today. they'll be gone for a while so i'm home alone with my brother. clara from down the street will be picking me up to go to school. thinking about redoing my whole website again lol. i'm also currently in the process of adding my flea market characters. so sorry if things are under construction. updated the interests pages and soon ill be back to work on the skeleton kingdom. i'm for sure gonna turn that page into a 'links' page so i can put random shit there. chao.


8/30/18

i updated the site after a while. i finally finished the character pages and all i need to do is change the current placeholder images for them. sorry if some of them look a bit wonky!


6/27/2018

it's been a while since i've updated this news section. im leaving for australia on this saturday!! pretty hyped to be honest with that said i can't really work on my website at all next month and i will generally be inactive. i've revamped my site a bit and finally fixed my menu system lol. slowly i'm adding more and more of my characters and now there's an actual grouping system which helps a lot! i added my d.c. interns so far and i still need to add the rest of them. i have a lot ;//


9/15/2017

bailey found my watch today at school! i lost it about a week and a half ago and i pretty much had given up till now... also yesterday i nearly got into a t-bone car wreck which was weird.. i could of died or gotten seriously hurt..


9/8/2017

looks like ill be going to australia in the summer next year for about a month and i'll be going to spain and france that year in a school trip! pretty eventful i guess. my family was actually planning to go to australia this year for christmas, but.. well it suddenly got expensive.. i'm also thinking about starting a webcomic about weird stuff that happens at my school??